Touhou gets complications
by DorpHolster
Summary: Reimu realizes that its snowing and that she should probably sorta kinda maybe shoot way higher than anyone else ever would in this one.
1. Chapter 1

Touhou gets complications

Creativer's note: this is is a story about touhu who is a character from the game series like I played today. The plot is that it is hard times and touhou needs to get it in gear okay do not fret I will use the prorper names in the actual story okay story begin now)

Chapters 1 but also 2: the stuff happen

REimu hakurei knew it was a time to prepare for snowmobiles because it was a cold day and was snow there.

"I must shovel all the fuckin snoww away before the yopkais come and use it to there advantage and protect the srhines." Reimu s say.

Then reimu saw orin from thouou 11 and said "why ist thou fuckin present u dum ass kitty cat I have slayed u already."

And orin at raimu with personality type and said "because it is today that I will get my final revenges." And juped at reimu with an lance she secretly had and cut reimu at the face and reimu said

"bloargfh! U are cruising 4 the bruising you dumb ass uyohkai." And reimu did her knew secret spell

And there was a door and reima open it and it leaded to ancient fuckin tomb prison and she put orin in full nelppson (thre wrestling) and pushed her in and say "get fuckin die in cromlech fat ass piece of car crash pile up loser yuokai"

And orin was traped in there and got prepares to strike back.

Stuff twwo2: reimu went to the city where people were

Ruimu got the packaging and it had orins lance in there and she was going to pawn shop but she misreadeifid sign and it said lawn shop actually and she went in there and saw kmarisa

And marisa was dead and cutted in two

And it seemd that (9and its truths) it was because Nue Houjuu had killed her by running her over with the lawn mower.

"it is gfuckin garden time okay" said nue and pointed thelawn mower at reimao.

"You have killed my favorites prisoner amarioser and now I guess I should avenge her."

Reiua looks at the bloodied arisa torso and said "I guess u were fuckin hopeless easy ass kill"

Then reimu used the fired up to get lance and run it through nue and nue said "aaghhh"

But it wasn't good because even though nue hahd a bloody hole in her neck the lance was full of packaging to ggo to shop so wasn't really the fatalist thingy.

"guess its fuck up for you I will open more garden shops" said nue and laughed

Then nue ran away with the shop I guess and got away free.

"grr fuckin ass bitpch eyhokai" reimu saided.

Chapter next: reiu teams up with mask and his compadre

Reimu was still live the next day and was fuckng pissed that the nuey killed marorser and didn't pay for it junction style.

So she went to the fuckin alcoholics abnobymous and found the new friend to confide in in the big ass fuckin angry mask guy name mask.

"GRR I am mask." He said introducely

"yesand it is I reimu ahkureai"

"I mask think that u have the problem of today that I will help you solve tell me your fuckni secrets"

And reimu talked about the things she had seen and felt during the conflict and batteil scars and mask said

"I se you went to the fuckin pawn shop wrong. That is a-o-okay(jnot a-o-c) because my friend is the guy whos got suitcase and he is the ringleader of the pawn shop and he can buy the lance. You tried to sell!"

The suitcase guy walked in the room and had ufuckin shifty glare and it went at people and melted them because he was probably a fuckin wrong-doer.

"Hullo, would like to maybe perhaps sort of make awquaintance" said reimu vigruoursly to slutcase pawn shopper.

"I have fuckin arrived to get the weaponry and join the quest to destroy nuea." Said suitcase master

Suitcase guy was about 6feetz and 3.5 cxentimeter's. he was from Belgium which is like this country I don't think anyone is really interested in but thatz okay.

Reimu gived orings' packagingd blodstaned lance to suitacaser and he said

"this is fuckin covered in blod and u have administered packaging and thaot is a bliss reserved for me

And then he got his motha fucjking whip out and cast reaimu and mask into the piece f shit abyss that alocopholyicsaz anomyeous was nearby and took the lance and ran and DIDN'T A HELP TO BEAT ANUE EVEN AT ALL

"What'l the shit were that?!" asked reamu as she punched mask squar in the mask.

"ouchies u cunt. It was the thingy where I forgot to actually inform you that he is not the suitcase master and he is really the infamous bandit SUITCASE FRAUD and he fucks with everyone for kicks especially the postal service not even the fuckin first class stamps are sacred to thoat gay ass thanotoz-powered satan ass yo." Qas response o' mask

"gee that's fukcin trouble I guess we shud hunt him and nuea down and tie them together and murder or mmurder or salaciously participate in that bondage and then get dr pepper" reinu schemed

Mask agreedthat is was good on top of it and they journeyed off to fuck those assholeps up

For continue


	2. Chapter 2

It is the return of the fampfictieun iwith the touhhus and mask

Chapter 4: n ese caso doble impacto (coup double hyaaah)

Suitcase fraud was fuckin sketchy and he sneaked around the back of the van shop to buy a van to drive away in. he saw the secret other shady owner and said "here is the currency im get car" and he did.

He went really fast. Beep beep!

That's' whats the carr noise was.

Canonical imtetmission.

It was an really dark night at the scarlet devol mansion and it was raining reaaly heavy I guess. There was no snow there because shenanigans. All the people there were asleep because they do that.

Patchouli had be hanged earlier for no reason though so she was dead.

Flandre was asleep in the basement like a prison loser and she asctually had a neat enough set up down there and was the sleep on decent bed and stuff.

Flandre didn't notice the thingy because she was having a real nice dream about saying mekemo to strangerz.

Suddenly she woked up because she felt herself get hit in the stomach by something. She was pretty good at not being dead so she didn't take it real bad, for the fucking acting narrative she like did this forced laugh and prepared to obliteriatinatify the person who had done it.

Flandre laughed for realizes next and did the explody thing at the person but for some reason nothing happened to them.

There was a voice and it said "haha. Did you really think you could defeat me, let alone with one half-hearted attack?"

The figure's shape got clear and flandre confronted it and said

"I guess I will do my best card since you have a fuckin motivation to get killed here."

Then flandre did her strongest spell but it was to no avail, she watched with horror as all the bullets either got deflected, cancelled out or didn't hurt the figure. She did not recognise the figure's fighting style, It was very quick and she could not make out what sort of weapon they had.

Then the firing ceased and the figur stepped forward into the light provided by a fire flonders attack had made.

It was Tony Hawk.

He looked at her with disgust and said "I thought you'd know better to waste the time of the doer of the 900 yo"

Flandre backed off, clueless. It was because he did stuff that made her attaks shit y'see.

"You… You're not intimidating" Flandre improvised "I've taken on worse than you, you can't possibly kill me! You're just a weak-bodied skateboarder! You don't know it yet but you're walking into a meat grinder!"

Tony Hawk grinned and sayd in a falsetto voice "They said I would never do the gopd damn 900 and look what happened."

Flandre was struck by realization. These were the penultimate moments of her life. She hadn't seen much outside of the basement thingy so I guess when it flashed at her she just sorta looked round the room.

Tony Hawk's falsetto voice continued. "Vampire wretch! Your own doom - embodied - stands before you! I may be known to people as Tony Hawk the skateboarder but my true creed discards that to bring me to you. Like, fuckin' die yo troglodyte vampire whore"

Then Tony Hawk hit Flandre round the face really fucking hard with his skateboard. He swingified it like a baseball bat. Flandre tried to scream but got vaporised and totally like destroysd too quickly and couldn't alert the other residents of the mansion to Tony Hawk's presence.

Tony Hawk fled the scene and did tricks at high speedz.

Impermainseion over ;

Reimu and mask werw talk about the plot.

"I am a fuckin geokin whatever that is" said mask

"you mean like some kinda sentient rock or some crap" reimu talked

"no it is a thing and this guy name Samuel might know I guess but we would have to go all the way to ultrafrance which is like france but it is protected by magic padlocks and burglar alaerms."

"I do not care now" reimu talked and then contintue "but ywe must now get on the bus and follow suitcase fellow."

They were on the bus and they looked at the scenery. "fuckin I wonder who our first opponent will be said reimu" and mask said "it is truly going to be some DA person I guess because hey why not"

They also jumped out the window because they saw a opponenet who gleared at them and said

"I am moviemowdown who is also sercre-o's and I will ruin u"

Moviemowdown drew his sceptre and started doing a spell, It was a magic that made mask really physically weak and it could only be undone by physical devotion to not being a fat

"haha you are basically a fat" said moviemowdown but he did not say all that maybe because reium hakaray kick-in-flight'd him in the stomach and he landed in a trashcan and said

"I will make you watch attack on titan for this"

The reimu felled over and had a seizure so mask went up to moviemowdown and took a huge ass bite out of his forearm where all the vital stuff was

Moviemowerdowner screamed like a girl and got all pale real quickly and drank petrol to die quicker but mask set him on fire and he died.

"you tasted like bacon and now you are live BBQ haaha" mask laughaed and reimu stopped sezuring

Maksk saiyd "reimu it is victory help me cannibalize the loser movermoedoin.!"

Reimu didn't because she picked up moviemowdowns infernoey upper torso because mask already ate his lower half like a homoremon. Reimu hit him and shined a really good torch at him and said "where is the fuckin suitcase guy"

Withhis dying but already dead breth mmovimovdown said "go pas the fuckin scarlet devil mansion and you will find the fuckin clue im die now" died moviewankenobi to death.

"I hope GOD-BIKE does not be in this and fight us" forepshadowd meashk at reimu who was discomfort.

Will get of next part yo.


	3. Chapter 3

Its still function. Its firm. Right-o..

ACHAPATAR 6: the mc'god-damn vicious developments of confiado.

"Confiado." Said reimu to the previous events after killing moviemoadn

They were walking to the scarlet devil mansion is twas reimu and mask and they were still looking for clues there about how to get and conquer suitcase asshole. He was sneaky.

They got there and heard a fuckin business meeting going on, all the residents and some unknown randomerz were in there.

"fuckin. Okay, like." Said Remilia Scarlet with carefulness. "So now that the pile of loser formally call flandre is dead I am the best murderer here."

Then that kid KFC fought from raperoni konshin came in accompanied by Axe from Dota 2 and Samuel Belanger.

"These are my new bodyguards. The kid is from the Russian kenshin dub so he is named GOD-BIKE andhe is the best one. That middle guy is Axe from Dota 2,l he is fuckin annoying with that battle hunger attak erly game, the last guy is Samuel. He is a French but his abilities are to get clear of the attaks and do the kick-in-flight on his enemies."

Axe did a taunt and Samuel fell over and GOD-BIKE made machine gun noises.

"by the motha fuck-truckin' way" said Remilia. "I don't know how to fuckin communicate with the Russian one."

Remilia only spoke English that was actually jappenise,

She said "we have to draw pictures to communicate woath him and if that dumb faggot flandor was still alive we coulda made her do it. Now I am invoncenience and must work to kill whoever killed her."

Remilia scarlet was still very happy about her faggot sister's death, as Remilio Srarlet took it up the ass from social Darwinism. She was annoying at poliics and believd that only the strongest were the bestest and that was her.

Back outside the window Reimu and Mask saw they had shit to work with to get clues. But they heard a thing.

They announced that since patchouli was hanged earlier that Samuel would have to wear her clothes and mimic her personalitay.

REIMU Anda MASAK LAUGH AT THE NEW CROSSDRESSER THAN WAS SAMUEL.

They went in.

"okay fuckin vampire squad we are here to look for suitcase"

"GRR AXE TIME" said axe like he did with words.

Axe charged at Reimu and Mask, mask was a tank kinda fighter so he took axe's melee beatdown like achamp while reamu got her best meat cleaver and prepared to stick it in axe. Axe detected it and did the cresent counter blader thing and nearly K.O'ssd her. Mask did his new move the CRUISE SHIP PUNCH

Mask delivered a blow with the force of 213000 yachts to the face of Axe. Axes's face was really disfigured and he cried loads. Reimu stabbed axe in the back of the leg and he fell over. Then they ended him to death.

Mask was brag so he said "who is the proceeding bitch to get defeated by us"

"Haha, okay." Said reamilia as she held up a shit drawing of the word "go fuck em up like" to GOD-BIKE, who jumped to battle.

GOD-BIKE did the :D face and said "Но этот раз, мои ноги будут быстрее скорости света"

Then he went "HEEYAOHW" and disappeared because was too quick. He appear behind mask and hit him way harder than most people expected. Mask fell over with paralyze.

Reimu shot a hakurei amulet at him and shouted

"HOKUJIIIIIII! YAAAAUUUGGGHHHH!" and the amulet flyd wih lights at GOD-BIKE who was too motorbike for them so he hit Reimu over and laughed.

"Haha it looks like it is a double malgnifiscent conquer" Samuel read aloud from his new patchouli quotes book.

The two incapacitatey hearoes looked up at GOD-BIKE and remilia who werew inners.

Remilia called off the GOD-BIKE rampage and said. "We are looking for the fucking suitcase guy to defeat him because he did bad renovations to this place. We are also trying to find out who killed my retarded basement living sister Flandoor. If u want to alive you will help us."

Reimu happy to say "that is fucking efficient because we are a team to get revenge on the bad guy suitercaser."

Mask glared at Samuel and said "Don't I kno u from somewere Samuel"

Samuel said "I am Patchouli Knowledge and I have never met you nor do I know anything about u, mask."

Inamtermision 2: suitcase thing

Suitarcaser laughed because he was NOT DawsonCase. He was Suitcase.

Suitcase had been the person to rent GOD-BIKE and Axe and Samuel as bodyguards to the Sparlet evil mansion. He had doed it for bad pricess and inefficient funding. He was on his way to the bank to deal with cash register to eternity.

But he saw a figure doing fuckin good tricks on a skateboard.

Suitiocase froze in abject terror. Fuckin metaphor lightsabers made of frighten were stabbing him up like dork.

"ah im mega scared" he said

The skaterboard person noticed him and came up and

It was tony hawk (again okay)

Tony Hawk said "Are you a vampire or a suitcase because I do not know?"

"I am a suitcase fraud but I will spar with you if ur challenging my ass yo"

Tony hawk did a jump. A fuckin' horrifyin' jump like. The hang time was just… off the chartz.

"AH!" suitcase expectorated from his gay ass throat.

Suitcase stared in despair at the really good sk9board trick.

"How are you doing that Tony Hawp how the fuck" suitcase mumbled

Tony Hawk arrived at land again and said "It is because nobody has hang-time like Tony Hawk."

"Well I'm on the run from the Scarlet Devil Mansion, it's this crimson ass buildin' with vampires are a crossdresser and losers. You said a thingy about killing vampires so maybe you can help me shayk um off."

Tony Hawk looked at suitcase's reflection in his skateboard. Suitcase's lifeless face indicated little, but combined with his obliviousness and disposition he reminded Tony Hawk of a lost doll.

"Technically there's only one vampire. I killed the one in the basement. I intend to annihilate Remilia Scarlet with the most poignant trick I know, but only after she's wasted her forces attempting to locate and kill me."

Suitcase grinned (y'know, if he can, like) and hes say "I guess we're on th saoim team! We can the work together and get them dead"

Tony Hawk did a 540 double heelflip and said "I do not need your help nor do I want it. You do not seek the same things as I, therefore you are a fuckin faggot ya dig?"

Suitcase backed away, easing back into what he considered a comfort zone. He did not feel safe so he continued backing off. Eventually he backed off a mountain and fell. This was not the end for Suitcase, given that he was a survivor, but it marked his inferiority to Tony Hawk. Tony Hawk wrote "I am better than suitcase and so is my skateboard" on the ground in green marker. With all established, Tony Hawk walked away.

Choipter 7: The good guys resolve

Remilia got a pen and drew up the plan as well as some team attack methods, a bunch of unimportant characters had to go south and look for stuff, while the other group – Reimu, Mask, GOD-BIKE, Sakuya and Rubick from DOTA 2 who joined to replace Axe were sent to go that other direction to look for the bad guys.

"None shall impede this magus' expedition!" Rubick instructed the team.

"Lady Remilia would like you all to be reminded that this is her operation and any inefficiency will be punished" Sakuya recited to everyone after Rubick.

"MID LANE OR I FEED" GOD-BIKE growled in broken English.

Rubick stared at GOD-BIKE, suppressed by the terror refined by thousands of All-pick games worth of experience.

Reimu and Mask look at each other and realize this would gonna be hard to work with.

"Okay let's deploy movement" said Mask

They went and as a team and they saw…

…Sonicdevil.

Mask knew Sonicdevil from long ago.

"I to from Norway and defeat of you?" Sonicdevil said. There was no describing his intonation or anything for that matter, no matter the words he'd read them the same.

"Mask why are you quaking in feeer?" reimu ask mask phwask out of curious

"because he is the afcking stupidiest and he will rape our minds" mask yelled

"Okay guy's let's do the attack plan Remilia designed for us" reimu say

Sakuya had already understood the team's ineptitude was going to anchor their progress and began a solo attack.

GOD-BIKE hated Sonicdevil for not speaking English and jumped toward him with a machete while shouting "ТВОИ ДНИ СОЧТЕНЫ!"

Rubick thought Sonicdevil was a funny ass clown and used his spell steal thingy to get sonicdevil's speech pattern.

"Hey to look of the me! I'm quantum speech talk of retarding!" he said to Reimu loudly in excitement of his own magic proficiency.

Mask cried.

Reimu was about to attack Sonipdovvel but she looked closer saw that Sakuya and GOD-BIKE had tied him to a cross, stripped him naked and were gathering the necessities for that awesome bamboo torture.

"Maybe if we ram nature through him he'll talk sense" Sakuya loudly pondered.

The group saw it was's night so instead of bamboo torture they set sonicdevil on fire and had a campfire.

"So who wants to share a backstory?" sayd ReymÜ who was with trying to be a ice braker.

"I will" Mask talked. "Basically I am this brooding guy who is going to be in the hit footage called hells bounty but they have axe'd me from thes set in place of a other actor and now I am living as a I even more brooding depress emo monster of defeat thing. I also have a mask"

Reimu scanned the flaming soniccdeval's surrounding area;. Rubick was eating a jam donut out of his steinz gate lunchbox. Sakuya wore an agonized expression as she slid her fingers over a photograph of Remilia. GOD-BIKE was trying to sharpen a tree branch into a spear. He momentarily stopped to spit on Mask for no reason, then he resumed.

"It is the most uneven night." Said Reimu who was look at what parts of the sky the treez were prermitting her 2 see.

Nobody who was in the team was able to sleep.

Mask was still talking about his past, he was really quiet about it because he knew Reimu was his only audience and she not care yo. It had been four hours since Rubick drew the first jam donut from his Stine'z gayt lunchbox, he continued to pull and consume them, defying the lunchbox's small size. His chewing got louder and louder. Rubick was fan of donut snack. Sakuya was a nervous wreck by this point, she believed if she licked the picture enough she could taste her obsession and she wouldn't stop calling Reimu Reimilia-sama. GOD-BIKE's chisel had broken, he turned to Sakuya and inquirified "Извините, у тебя лезвия?" Sakuya didn't know what that meant but she was pretty sure she heard the word lesbian. Then she want all tsundere about everything. GOD-BIKE considered throwing her in the fire with Sonicdevil but he choosinated to use a stone as a cutter insteddd.

Eventually, Mask and Sakuya cried themselves to sleep, Rubick ate too many donuts and passed out and GOD-BIKE stabbed himself in the chest to test his new spear, he passed out and was bloodying everywhere. Reimu just sorta sat there and thought about what she'd getted into. They was is a curious lack of snow here so maybe it was at her shrine where the reel chaosz was.

For continuaeuo.


End file.
